Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
About 8 weeks ago, I had the privilege of watching our friends Dave & Peggy welcome Joshua William into the world. It is the 3rd time in the past 7 months that I have had this privilege. After the birth, I had 2 friends write me to tell me that they were praying for me, as this was probably an emotional time for me. And to some degree, they were right.
You see, 7 months ago, I too was pregnant, eagerly anticipating the birth of our child. In 2006, we lost a daughter, and this was our first pregnancy since that loss. Bill and I, along with the children, were truly excited. Before I even knew I was pregnant, healing was taking place in my heart; a heart that had continued to mourn the loss of SaraGrace.
Exactly a year ago, the kids and I traveled over to Merritt Island, Florida to visit with a former college roommate of mine, Heather. She had traveled down from Virginia with her 4 kids for a week's vacation. She came by herself (BRAVE woman), and so I spent quite a bit of time with her, helping her a little as her youngest was a 9-week old at that time.
I remember holding her baby, as she took care of her other 3. I held that little one over and over again, just staring at her. I had held many other babies since having SaraGrace, but this time was different. It's really hard to explain, but I literally felt my heart healing. I cannot describe that feeling. There are no words.
A couple of days into the visit, I was laying in bed awake one night, just praising God and thanking Him for this gift of healing. And then I felt really brave. I prayed, or rather asked, for the first time since losing SaraGrace, something HUGE of the Lord. I asked, that if it was HIS will, could He please give us another daughter. It was barely a whisper on my lips, but I asked. I have never felt "owed" by God since He took SaraGrace, yet it felt selfish to ask anyway.
Although I didn't know it, I was already pregnant when I prayed that prayer. Amazing! He answered before I even dared to ask. But He gave us so much more than that. He walked us through a trial that was even more difficult than losing SaraGrace. He gave us a daughter to hold for about 3 hours, and then He took her home to be with Him. I remember holding her, and just feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed that He gave us a daughter, overwhelmed that I knew she would die, overwhelmed at my love for Bill, overwhelmed that we were once again losing a daughter.
Before we knew we had a girl, I had already chosen her name. Elliana jumped out at me not only because of its beauty, but because of its meaning, "the Lord has answered". After losing her, we finished her name with Hope, ELLIANA HOPE. The Lord answered with hope. Not at all in the way we thought, yet in the way that brought Him the most glory.
Our hope lies not in our children, or even the promise of children. Even though God had promised Abraham a son, He says to him, "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward." (Gen. 15:1) Did you catch that? Isaac was not the reward, the LORD Himself was.
And so it is with us. The God of the universe remains our reward. I don't have the space here to write all the things that God tells us He is for us. He's our Provider, Rock, Fortress, Deliverer, Shield, Horn of my Salvation; the list goes on and on.
I feel like I've rambled here, but I'm really writing to myself. Reminding myself that God ALONE is my hope. Even though I've walked through the valley of the shadow of death, He was with me as He promised. That is tremendous hope for those whom He has saved. My prayer for those who do not know Jesus as their Saviour, is that He would open their eyes to the reality that He alone is the Hope for their future as well.
About 8 weeks ago, I had the privilege of watching our friends Dave & Peggy welcome Joshua William into the world. It is the 3rd time in the past 7 months that I have had this privilege. After the birth, I had 2 friends write me to tell me that they were praying for me, as this was probably an emotional time for me. And to some degree, they were right.
You see, 7 months ago, I too was pregnant, eagerly anticipating the birth of our child. In 2006, we lost a daughter, and this was our first pregnancy since that loss. Bill and I, along with the children, were truly excited. Before I even knew I was pregnant, healing was taking place in my heart; a heart that had continued to mourn the loss of SaraGrace.
Exactly a year ago, the kids and I traveled over to Merritt Island, Florida to visit with a former college roommate of mine, Heather. She had traveled down from Virginia with her 4 kids for a week's vacation. She came by herself (BRAVE woman), and so I spent quite a bit of time with her, helping her a little as her youngest was a 9-week old at that time.
I remember holding her baby, as she took care of her other 3. I held that little one over and over again, just staring at her. I had held many other babies since having SaraGrace, but this time was different. It's really hard to explain, but I literally felt my heart healing. I cannot describe that feeling. There are no words.
A couple of days into the visit, I was laying in bed awake one night, just praising God and thanking Him for this gift of healing. And then I felt really brave. I prayed, or rather asked, for the first time since losing SaraGrace, something HUGE of the Lord. I asked, that if it was HIS will, could He please give us another daughter. It was barely a whisper on my lips, but I asked. I have never felt "owed" by God since He took SaraGrace, yet it felt selfish to ask anyway.
Although I didn't know it, I was already pregnant when I prayed that prayer. Amazing! He answered before I even dared to ask. But He gave us so much more than that. He walked us through a trial that was even more difficult than losing SaraGrace. He gave us a daughter to hold for about 3 hours, and then He took her home to be with Him. I remember holding her, and just feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed that He gave us a daughter, overwhelmed that I knew she would die, overwhelmed at my love for Bill, overwhelmed that we were once again losing a daughter.
Before we knew we had a girl, I had already chosen her name. Elliana jumped out at me not only because of its beauty, but because of its meaning, "the Lord has answered". After losing her, we finished her name with Hope, ELLIANA HOPE. The Lord answered with hope. Not at all in the way we thought, yet in the way that brought Him the most glory.
Our hope lies not in our children, or even the promise of children. Even though God had promised Abraham a son, He says to him, "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward." (Gen. 15:1) Did you catch that? Isaac was not the reward, the LORD Himself was.
And so it is with us. The God of the universe remains our reward. I don't have the space here to write all the things that God tells us He is for us. He's our Provider, Rock, Fortress, Deliverer, Shield, Horn of my Salvation; the list goes on and on.
I feel like I've rambled here, but I'm really writing to myself. Reminding myself that God ALONE is my hope. Even though I've walked through the valley of the shadow of death, He was with me as He promised. That is tremendous hope for those whom He has saved. My prayer for those who do not know Jesus as their Saviour, is that He would open their eyes to the reality that He alone is the Hope for their future as well.
