I Don't Love Jesus...

Whoa, a very provocative statement you say.  Maybe, but mostly it's the truth.

This past weekend I went to a women's conference, called "Here is Our God", hosted by The Gospel Coalition.  I have never been to a national women's conference, so I didn't know what to expect.  The subtitle was, "A conference for women, but not about women."  And boy was I glad about that.  

You see, I honestly don't need more sessions on how to be a better wife, mother, daughter, or sister.  I need JESUS.  Because the truth is, I fail at all of those every day, and it's not more steps on how to be a better such-and-such that will get me through the day.  It's JESUS.

I've been a Christian my whole life it seems, and I'm pretty sure I've never LOVED Jesus.  I love the IDEA of Him.  I love His salvation, and the fact that HE called me out of the darkness and into His marvelous light.  I love my future home in heaven, and that I will spend eternity with Him. I love the relationships I have because of Jesus, and the bond I have with fellow believers.  I love that my kids love going to church.  But I don't love HIM.  There are probably many reasons why I don't love Him, not the least of which is that I'm afraid of Him.  As Dr. D.A. Carson told me this weekend, there is an unhealthy and a healthy fear of Him.  I quickly acknowledged that I have an unhealthy fear.  Where that fear comes from I honestly don't know.

What I DO know, what was made clear to me, is that I have loved the things of this world.  I have chosen the pleasures of sin, over the eternal pleasures of knowing and savoring Christ.  I have chosen my treasure, and it has not been Christ.  As John Piper said this past weekend, "No one praises what they don't enjoy".  I haven't enjoyed Jesus, and have not TRULY praised Him in my heart for a long time.  And Satan has loved that I haven't enjoyed Christ.

So where does that leave me?  In the best possible place.  DESPERATE.  Desperate for JESUS.  Desperate for joy.  Desperate for a guilt-free conscience.  Desperate for my taste buds to be made alive.  Desperate to love His word.  Desperate to have the Gospel grow deep roots in my heart.

"The life that drinks deeply at the Gospel is a life of unremitting pursuit of happiness in Jesus, not the world"  John Piper

 

Oh, that I would drink deep at the fountain of the Gospel, and have JESUS become what I treasure MOST!