Finally Free

This is probably my most personal post to date, and I realize that when you post something personal, you open yourself up to criticism. But even though this post is something that happened to me, it's not really about me. It is a personal illustration of sin, confession, forgiveness and beautiful reconciliation. My only desire in sharing this, is to point you, the reader, to the ONE who accomplishes true forgiveness and restoration in us, Jesus Christ.

Many, many years ago, before I was married and had a family, I committed a sin against someone. My sin was immediately exposed, and even though I apologized and asked for forgiveness, for some reason, I never "felt" forgiven and I carried the shame of what I did for decades.  From my memory, I never saw that person again.

Recently, I had an opportunity to see this person. Knowing I would be seeing them, I knew that in order to be able to visit with them, I needed to do my best to make things right. I honestly didn't know if they remembered the incident or not, which made it all the more nerve-wracking for me. Would I just expose myself? Should I even bother? My conscience wouldn't let me leave it alone. I prayed really hard for courage, and an opportunity to privately address the issue.

So, at the second chance (I chickened out the first chance, but God gave me another opportunity) I asked them if we could go for a walk, as I wanted to talk to them about something. They agreed. It was already evening, and I was grateful for the cover of darkness.

As we started to walk, I shared some background info to give a context, and feeling out of breath, I explained what happened. I got more emotional as I explained, and was overwhelmed by my shame and the difficult task of apologizing. Soon, all I could do was cry.

Then they just took me in their arms and simply said, "This, you have been carrying all these years?" No condemnation. No anger. Only forgiveness, only acceptance, only love.

As we finished our little walk, I can hardly describe how I felt towards them. I wanted to cling to them physically, basking in the glow of forgiveness and reconciliation.  I felt free. I wanted to be with them all the time. I wanted to be in constant communication. It was a feeling I have not felt often, if ever.  I no longer felt shame, and knowing they would never bring it up or expose me to anyone else, I felt safe.

Reading that last paragraph, I almost sound stalker-ish. But as I shared all of this with my husband, he just said, "Wow, they were a picture of Christ to you."

I began to think of all the similarities between my experience, and what is/can/should be our experience when we come with our sin, to Christ.

At first, we're grateful for the cover of darkness as we come with our sin and shame before Him. Sometimes we share background information, but then breathlessly, we admit what we've done. Sometimes our shame overwhelms us and we fall into sobs. He takes us into His arms and simply says, "this, you have been carrying?" No condemnation. No anger. Only the assurance of His forgiveness, His acceptance, His love.

Oh how are hearts are/should be changed toward Him. We want to cling physically to Him, basking in the glow of forgiveness and reconciliation. We feel free. We want to be with Him all the time. We want to be in constant communication with Him. No longer feeling shame, and knowing He will never bring it back up or expose us to anyone, we finally feel safe.