The Honeymoon Is OVER!!

I can see how Esau sold his birthright for a pot of stew.   It's how I felt this past weekend.  The 2 kids that are still at home, were at Bill's parents for 2 nights, and Bill had to work Saturday, so I was home alone.  I know the Bible says that it is not good for man to be alone, but I'm pretty sure it applies to a woman as well. 

ALL I did was think about what I couldn't have, and it almost sent me over the edge.  I didn't have any of the stuff I was craving, griping and complaining about, but the thoughts in my head made me crazy! 

Along with the juice fast, I (Debby) am starting to go through a book called "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst.  I know that my overweight issues are not really about food.  I have known that I'm an emotional eater.  I've been doing it since I was 12 when my dad died.  I also know that it will take a lot of work to peel back the layers of pain that are buried down deep inside.  And I realized the first layer this past weekend.

I want FOOD.  I want it more than engaging with my husband, (unless we are engaging over food), I want it more than working for a clean house, and I want it more than a REAL relationship with Jesus.  That is the honest truth.  I wanted food this past weekend more than the desire to pray for deliverance from the cravings. 

Which leads me to a confession.  Last week, I would "cheat" with a few grapes,  or maybe a plum.  Then I was doing it everyday, and then multiple times a day.  How is it cheating if I'm eating fruit you ask?  Good question.  It's cheating because I made a commitment to juice with Bill for 30 days, and I have broken that commitment.  I cheated not only on myself, but also on Bill. 

So, here I am again.  Admitting failure, but recommitting myself to the juice fast with Bill, for the time remaining.  I need so much prayer for strength.  I am so weak emotionally and spiritually.  But we know that God is so strong.  He WILL give the strength needed to complete the fast.